Bad Boys Los Angeles: Are They Bad Or Just Bad TV?

Now y'all know I love me a good ol'nasty reality TV show! I mean, I gave you commentary on Basketball Wives, Love & Hip-Hop, Black Ink Crew, Real Housewives, and Married 2 Medicine for YEARS! Albeit, there is something to be said about The Zeus Network's new show, Bad Boys Los Angeles...it's just not a very nice something!

The cast of this (almost) all chocolate train wreck includes Instagram notables such as Relly B, Anthony Uncensored, and William The Baddest, music artist and online presence, The Real Gutta K, Dylan Woods - who I wouldn't say is really notable, but he probably got the cattle call so BOOM! He's on the show.

We have Mr. "I'm Delivert" himself, Andrew Caldwell, and Love & Hip-Hop alum, Milan Christopher. To round it out we have rapper, Curtis Golden, Kerrion Franklin - son of Gospel legend, Kirk Franklin, and the self proclaimed "straight" boy Moolah Moe - an artist and on-air personality.

The show is executive produced by former Bad Girls Club star Natalie Nunn, so needless to say I expected some good ratchet television! Well, what I got in watching the first episode was a lot less good ratchet TV and a lot more confusion and horrible scene transitions. We start the show with an interesting montage introducing the cast and why they feel they are the baddest on the block (shout out to the REAL baddest bitch on the block Eric Devontae). All of a sudden we are thrust into a scene where the entire cast wants to whoop Andrew Caldwell's ass!

Now, in all fairness, if you follow Andrew - post his deliverance - he says and does things that would make the deepest, darkest, curviest, crevice of anyone's most inner, iridescent ass ITCH with irritation. However, we're never really given the premise on the root of the issue that has everyone up in arms over Andrew. They argue, they all threaten to fight him, and in true Caldwell fashion, he decides to leave the show. Usually, this is where I would post a picture of Andrew, but chyle, I'm not trying to be one of his many lawsuits that he goes online to talk about for me using his "likeness".

My next issue is one that is no secret. I have always had a problem with white folks who appropriate Blackness - or worse, Black caricature - to gain recognition, fame, or even to secure a bag. Cue/enter William and Dylan!

On sight, both of these boys come off as the stereotypical biters of Black gay culture, and while most of the community might not have a problem with it...I ABSOLUTLEY DO! As Andrew flies away to find more delusional narratives and to run far from having paws thrown at him, the rest of the boys are headed to the house they'll be living in for the season. On arrival Dylan - completely out of nowhere - accuses William of talking shit! This ensues a whole cast corral trying to get the two to fight. Needless to say that when white folks suffer from the "I'm the baddest black bitch here" syndrome, their white fragility always comes through! The wind-milling started, the apprehensive shoves began, and with absolutely no success was there any punch landed between these two palm colored, caucus children!

**Insert MASSIVE side-eye**

Relly B decides that this display of bullshit is just not going to serve his drunken pallet. So, he says y'all either fight or I'm gonna beat you both up. Well, the alcohol won out and Relly hauled off on Dylan and beat his ass directly into the bushes! Dylan came out of that bushel scarred and bloody, and Relly was put on time out in the van.

Now, it always gives me a good chuckle when someone who is KNOWN for brawling and violence takes up the white cape of peace - Natalie Nunn gave me the largest chuckle ever! Watching her try to chastise Relly knowing her run on BBC was more than hilarious. Albeit, she's a mom now and she's older so there's growth that has to be shown...I guess.

Fast forward and the boys are in the house trying to choose their rooms. Let's see if I can speed through this round:

• Moolah - chose his room while also exhibiting to viewers his internalized homophobia (I'm sure that's going to give us good tv soon)

• Kerrion and Gutta K have an odd moment while vying for a bedroom. A moment that anyone who has EVER had a penis is his mouth can tell you - we are waiting for Kerrion to smash the everlasting guts out of Gutta K!

• Curtis seems to be a bit forgettable as he chills and talks to Moolah

• And then there's Anthony and Milan....

Milan shot to fame (for most) on Love & Hip-Hop: Hollywood. He was in a realtionship with Miles Brock who scandalized the relationship by having a girlfriend on the side. Since then, Milan has created sex toys, done cameos, released music - nothing I can comment on - and continues to solidify himself in the realty TV hall of notable names; including his place in the first Bad Boys house.

Milan is noted as being the one who's above it all - until he's not! And that was clear when he and Anthony Uncensored got into another of the show's lack luster fisticuff moment over who gets to keep the master bedroom. Of course, no real punches landed and security swooped in to separate the two as featherlike insults flew through the air. Did I mention that upon entering the room Anthony hopped on it and broke it? Yea...that part!

Needless to say that The Zeus Network proves to be the guilty pleasure of the masses who knowingly watch while losing a braincell or two along the way. However, if a check is involved, I'm not mad at anybody who wants to take part in the madness LOL. If Joseline's Cabaret was any indication of what you can expect, just wait...Bad Boys Los Angeles is guaranteed to be even more gutter, even messier, and a lot more confusing! Watch at your own risk...

Cover Photo Courtesy of The Zeus Network - Fair Use